This time we came up with a different topic which includes a few personal priorities and individual likes. Although it is a sensitive topic but will show you a world with a different angle. These answers were really honest and literally from the heart of some great people. We all have individual choices and personal preferences. It goes the same when it comes to “sleeping out” randomly. Below are the opinions of different people when they were asked related to sleeping around.
People Who Don’t Sleep Around by Choice, Why Not?
I’m actually a virgin so I’ve never slept with anybody ever. I’ve done a few other sexual things (like touching when making out) but I’ve never actually “done the deed”. But even when I do lose my virginity, it doesn’t mean I want to go around hooking up with random men and women left and right.
Why? For a couple of very good reasons.
I don’t want to end up pregnant. Anyone who knows me well knows that I don’t want to ever have kids. So getting pregnant would basically ruin my life. And I especially wouldn’t want to have a baby if I don’t even know who the father of my child is! Nor would I want to deal with one who could possibly be a deadbeat and would leave me to raise our kid by myself.
I don’t want to get an STD. If I chose to sleep around with random people, how do I guarantee that all of them would be willing to do safe sex? If I met someone in a bar and had a one night stand, we both would possibly be too drunk to even think about using protection of any kind. And even then some men might refuse to wear a condom or some women might not be willing to use dental dams. I’m not risking that chance and ending up with HIV or Gonorrhoea.
I don’t feel safe hooking up with strangers. How do I know that the person that I chose to sleep with wouldn’t kill me in my sleep and leave my body in an alleyway? How do I know that I won’t get raped if I decided I didn’t want to go through with sex after all? How do I know if the person I’m meeting isn’t a total creep or has abusive tendencies? I don’t have any way of knowing that just from meeting a person for a fling. There are lot of bad people out there, people who appear normal but are actually monsters on the inside. Sorry, but I’m not risking my life just to have sex.
I actually have standards and care about my reputation. Do you think I want to labeled as a slut or a whore? To be told that my actions make me “easy”? No, because that’s not what I want to be known for. I want to be known as a person who did good things in her life, not someone who would put out for just anyone. And it’s hard to me to find people that I’m actually sexually attracted too. I’ve only felt sexual desire for two of my ex-boyfriends out of the six that I dated and three women that I had romantic interest in at one point.
I’d much rather be intimate with someone I love. Last point I’ll make is that I want to have a sexual relationship with someone I’m in love with rather than some rando on the street. Especially when I do lose my virginity, I want it to be with a man or woman that means something to me. So even when I’m in a relationship, I’m not going to have sex with them until I’m sure that I love them and they love me. So sex after the third date would be off the table because I barely know them.
These are just my opinions and this is my own choice. I am entitled to my opinion and my choice in this matter and I have a right to express that. Do NOT attack me in the comments section or I will block and report you for harassment. Thank you.
I’m speaking for myself first of all.
I am a virgin. I value my virginity above all things. I honestly would love to marry while being a virgin, of course I doubt that’ll ever happen since I feel as though being a virgin nowadays is just extra baggage that you carry around and most guys wouldn’t want to deal with that, so that does get in the way when I’m trying to meet a guy and get to know him on a much deeper level.
One night stands are absolutely degrading not only to yourself but to how you treat the other person like an object that’s just there to satisfy your needs on that particular moment. I know it’s consensual but I can’t help but feel that both individuals treat each other as if they’re objects, it just repulses me. It’s as if you have no respect for yourself!
My parents always gave me the freedom to do as I pleased. They never forbade me from dating, well, at least until I was 17. But I always felt as if I was free enough to make the mistakes I needed to learn and mature from them. I suppose having that freedom to exercise my will didn’t make me the slightest bit interested in sleeping around and with strangers. I decided that I’d use that freedom to live life according to what my values stand for.
I believe that sharing your body with someone is almost a sacred thing. You have two individuals sharing their flesh, their soul, melting as one at their most vulnerable state. That’s such a beautiful thing. I don’t think I could ever look at myself the same way if I slept around with dudes. That’s just ME and my OPINION about myself.
It’s rewarding waiting for THAT someone that shows up in your life that sees life and shares the same values as you do.
I don’t believe in fairy tales but I believe that if two people love each other and they have several things in common, then they should definitely work it through good, bad, sickness and health yadayada … you know what I mean. Giving up on someone for one minor misunderstanding or because that person likes the colour blue but you like red better is fucking pathetic.
My father cheated on my mother several times. I don’t ever wanna become like him. He and I have a great relationship and he is a wonderful dad, a true provider and I love him. But he made a lot of mistakes and I know that ended up hurting my mother and our family in ways that can’t be repaired. They’re still friends to this day though.
Make no mistake, I sometimes become very frustrated at the thought of being 23 and a virgin. I get jealous sometimes when I see couples and I have been having a huge crisis when it comes to this. But I hope it pays off. I hope the waiting pays off one day. I can’t wait to give myself completely to someone who understands and values me just as much as I do the same with that someone.
Honestly, it’s for spiritual reasons. I am a 26-year-old virgin, and at this point I only see myself having sex with the man who is going to be my husband. A lot of people ask me if it’s for religious reasons, however, it’s truly because I haven’t found someone I love enough to have sex with. It’s really that simple. At an early age, I knew who I was and my worth which made it hard to engage in meaningless sex. I consider myself to be quite sensitive, and I know if I were to have sex with someone I’d be attached to them emotionally.
And plus, I like the idea of sex being a sacred activity. I want to preserve the idea of sex being an act to deepen a bond and to merge two spirits into one. It’s crazy to me how many women have told me they wish they were in my position. Most women in their younger years end up giving their body to men who would eventually use them or hurt them. I never wanted to be ‘conquered’ by a man who didn’t have my best intentions. My mental health is something I deeply value, and I don’t want to put that at risk. Don’t get me wrong I can’t WAIT to have sex with my future lover, but in the meantime, I’m willing to wait (hopefully not that much longer haha) for the right partner to come my way.
I will just start with; I love sex but I hate sleeping around.
Instead of shaming people for having sex, we have now started to shame people for not having sex. If you are not for casual, you are now a “prude”. It is like stating that people don’t like to have sex with various partners, they must hate sex. So I decided to try it, to see what it was all about.
I had “slutty” days where I did sleep around. Not as much as others who slept with a new one every week but I was a natural flirt who enjoyed being single and going out with different handsome men. After all that is what society taught me, that it should be all fun.
Here is my conclusion as a woman. While I am sure the men enjoyed the sex, I did not. Maybe 2/10 times. The fun part was always before, the tension, the hunt. But the sex ruined that because of many reasons.
First of all you don’t really know each other, what you like, what he like, so the passion is not 100 % there.
The majority are bad or mediocre the first time. That wild sex you see from series and movies? Forget about it. That certainly will not happen the first time. But then you are just having fun, so you will be probably not see each other again. So you will never get to the good part.
It was often very awkward both during sex but also the next day.
I found that men during one nights were often not interested in pleasing me so the effort was minimal. I felt nothing.
If the sex was terrible (which it often was) I often felt guilty next day.
It is often more about quantity than quality. Many seem to turn it into a competition of how many they can be with.
I could not really relax as I did not know him. Good sex is often about trust which I cannot feel with a man I just met.
I hated this distance we had between us. We could spend the night together and do the most intimate act but we could not cuddle or anything. It was like waking up next to a fridge.
Many men only kissed me right before sex kind of like a foreplay. This ruined it for me. As I get turned on by the small touches. You cannot behave like a friend with me and then turn the cards around. That completely ruins the tension.
I felt more pleasure pleasing myself or using toys than having no string attached sex with strangers.
In the end, I thought it was pointless and I felt empty by the lifestyle. Why should I do it when I did not even enjoy it? Sleeping with various men I would never see again was not that appealing. It was a temporary ego boost, but nothing else. As I became older I was more interested in building real relationships. The sex and passion I have with my current boyfriend is the best I ever had. Both of us are present, and we know what we like. We constantly keep on experimenting so it gets better and better. But even if he was not in the picture, I would prefer using my dildo than going back to that lifestyle. No offence for people liking that lifestyle but it is not just for me.
What is the point? I am a sex addict. I love sex. I like to have sex every day…. But I don’t. I have control, and I’m not sloppy.
Right now I am single, with a “partner”. What would I gain by sleeping around? A bad reputation? A disease? I have a lot to lose, with both.
In order for sex to be great, you have to build a connection. Otherwise, it is just “meh”. I don’t even have the desire, without that connection. I get told often I “dress to impress” and I have great assets but that doesn’t mean I am loose.
You won’t even find a nude picture on my phone. When people ask why, I say this…. Why do I need to show 1000 strangers my body parts? We all have them and the men I choose to be with enjoy them. I have no need to show them to everyone else.
I exclusively date black men. The BM community in this city is very small. If you get passed around, they won’t respect you. You are just a toy. They respect me. They know me. They know what I’m about. I went to a Nigerian social here and one of the first things my ex said was “you don’t know anyone here except my friends at the table”, meaning I don’t get around. They respect you a lot more when they know you haven’t been with a dozen of their friends.
I work in a male dominated industry and am out of town with my crew all summer. Some get crushes on me but I’d rather use my toys than to do something meaningless. Don’t eat where you shit.
That kind of lifestyle takes an emotional toll as well. I’d rather be with the same person and create something amazing. Then, I will feel fulfilled.
When people talk about abstaining from sex, they often present it as a sacrifice. The assumption is that I must want to have sex, I must be able to have sex, sex must be on my mind, but I have made the conscious, difficult choice to suppress those desires. People assume it’s god, or politics, or my parents’ wrath. People look at me and see shame. They hear about my love life and sigh, shake their heads: “You just need to let go, sweetie.”
The premise is all wrong. There is no conscious choice not to have sex, because having sex is not the default position. Sex is natural, but it is not passive; it’s something you choose to do because you like it and you’re ready for it and it makes you feel good.
But these limits are different for different people. For some, sex is something you’re ready for as soon as you hit puberty. For some, all forms of sex are pleasurable. For some, sex with anyone makes them feel good.
For me, sex is something I’m not always ready for. My mood is a big factor; if I’m sad or tired or insecure, I don’t feel comfortable having sex, even with someone I trust deeply. For me, the physical aspect of sex matters very little, and so much of it is in the mind. My mental turn-ons are pretty specific, and only the right sex is pleasurable. Maybe that’s why I’m so choosy about who I have sex with; they have to be someone I trust, someone I feel comfortable around, and someone I can laugh with. I have to be able to talk to them, so we can learn each other’s likes and limits. The title of the relationship (“friend”, “boyfriend”, “girlfriend”, “husband”, “wife”, whatever) isn’t important – but the nature of the relationship, the understanding of each other, is vital. For me, sex is only good if I have every single one of these conditions met.
So the reason I don’t “sleep around” is not because I’m ashamed, or because it’s forbidden, or some political demonstration of abstinence. It’s because sex is only enjoyable for me when the conditions are right.
Sadly, the conditions aren’t right very often. Trust me, OP, I sincerely wish they were.
When I discovered more about sex and sexuality I was 17.
My first time hasn’t been as romantic, or magical, as I expected it to be. I guess I was too naive and a hopeless romantic that believed too much in those novels and movies I used to see. Being disappointed, I started to sleep around just to find out why was everyone so fanatic about it while I was so indifferent and skeptical.
I stopped when I started to feel like a piece of meat. I don’t even think I was ready, to begin with. Just to be clear, I don’t condemn men or woman who sleep around and enjoy their sexualities. They are free to live their lives however they please as long as they use the right protection for STDs. But that’s not something that works for me.
After those experiences I kept inactive for a whole year and I wasn’t even curious anymore. Eventually, I felt that magical vibe I’ve always dreamed of, when I slept with my current boyfriend. When I was mentally involved. So, for me, making love is the deal.
It’s all about deepening your connection and growing your love. Sharing such an intimate experience that’s deep on so many levels. In lovemaking, there is no one to be but yourself. In fact, for making love to work between you and your partner the way it’s sort of supposed to (with openness and emotional vulnerability), you have to be 100 percent, completely yourself. You have to be the most yourself you’ve ever been. There’s no room for anyone else.
I’d say that making love is a completely different animal, and when you experience it, you’ll know.
Be fruitful and multiply is our purpose. It’s an instinctual urge that is so deeply rooted into our human state, even if we’ve never had sex before, we would figure it out pretty quick. It feels good, makes us happy, so why not do it whenever with whoever, right?
Women will put on their battle gear and say, “It’s my body, I’ll do whoever I want, whenever I want, because I am woman, I am strong hear me roar.” Yadda yadda yadda.
Now granted, all of that is true. Women are strong, we have the ability to grow a tiny human inside us and birth it. Our bodies change, we bounce back. We’re intuitive and intuned to emotions. We have skills.
But it is a mistake to think that laying on your back, getting on your knees, or straddling somebody you don’t care about is a sign of strength. When a guy petitions me for casual sex, I laugh it off and walk away. I’m not a plaything, you can have me when I’m truly yours and not a moment before.
So, while I think waiting til marriage to be the truest option, if for some reason you just can’t wait, make sure this person cares for you. Don’t jump in too quick.
Scientifically, sex does different things to men than it does to women. I refuse to compromise my emotional attachment until I know, without a shadow of a doubt, my partner is committed to me. Not my body, not my sex appeal. Me.
My emotions, my hopes, my principles.
To me the question would be: People who do sleep around by choice, why?
I never cared about anybody’s sex life, nor am I someone who would say “It’s wrong!”. You do you.
But I personally never understood why some people have the desire to do that.
I couldn’t imagine being intimate with someone I barely know. I couldn’t imagine it being fun at all. The thought of having sex with someone I’m not especially close with even disgusts me and fills me with repulsive feelings.
I would say that I have a normal sex drive for a 20-year-old man.
It’s not even my attitude. It’s not as if I’d be very strict with myself or something. If I’d be single I wouldn’t have sex until I start dating someone I can imagine having a serious relationship with. Not because I think it’s the right thing to do, but because I want it that way.
There are some reasons people have told me why they choose to sleep around.
• Sex is great. If you love your single life but still don’t want to miss sex, then one night stands are a good solution.
I on the other hand would always rather choose to masturbate before I would sleep with someone I barely know. I think that’s more fun and I reach the goal of an orgasm equally as well.
•The thrill and simplicity about it. You have your fun but you’re not bound.
No thrill to me. To me the real thrill is to built up an emotional bond with someone and get to know every little part of their personality and every inch of their body, learn everything about someone’s preferences and work towards being able to satisfy them emotionally as much as sexually. That’s a thrill to me and it makes me happy on top of that.
•Looking for validation and the assurance that you’re attractive.
I feel like I get more validation out of being loved than of being used as a sexual object. And I do feel attractive enough already, so I don’t need assurance.
•If you sleep around even tho you’re in a relationship, it’s often because you don’t get along with your partner as well anymore, sex is bad or you’re simply unhappy and look yet again for validation and the assurance that you’re still attractive.
I think if you reach this point, the only logical response in my opinion would be to break up right away and look for a new partner who can provide you with everything you need.
These are just a few example people have given me.
So to make it short, to answer your question:
Everyone is different from each other. Someone loves to bicycle, while another person despises it, You often don’t even need a reason or explanation. It’s just preferences.
Sleeping around seems to be really big, especially in high schools. I’ll try my best to give a teenager’s perspective on why sleeping around isn’t the brightest idea…
Legal Trouble: This can obviously happen in regular adult relationships (#MeToo), but it happens with teens for another reason. Some teens who sleep around wind up with someone a little older, a common pairing being a 17 year old and an 18-year-old. Their parents find out, get pissed, and then the older one is thrown in jail like some kind of pedophile and the rest of their life is ruined.
Religious Beliefs: Not a personal reason of mine, but a valid and increasingly common one nonetheless. Some teens choose to only have sex when they get married because of their religious beliefs.
Pregnancy: Sure, people in committed relationships make mistakes, but you’re far worse off it happens with a person you barely know or don’t trust. No teen wants to be stuck with a baby.
STD’s: It’s much harder to know if random people have been tested or not, what they have, or if they could be lying about it. People in committed relationships, however, can get tested at the same time and can rest easy knowing their partner is telling the truth.
Potential Drama: If you sleep around with a ton of people, you’ll eventually end up being the person someone cheats with. This is no fun for anyone, especially if you were unaware beforehand. No one wants to be the asshole that ruined someone’s relationship.
This astounding invention called “masturbation” exists: Look, not all of us are stupid. Teens don’t necessarily need another person to get off.
“Slut”: Most girls who sleep around are called sluts and are treated as subhuman. It’s dumb, but because of that a lot of us decide it’s just not worth the trouble.
Not Being Ready: Most of us just aren’t ready for this sort of thing, and would rather wait a little longer to be with someone we trust.
Yeah, not everyone who waits for sex is a prude or a weirdo. Most of us are just being logical.