When the experts were asked to give an insight about finding a personality type of a person, look what they had to say. All of the answers were out of their personal experience and knowledge and observation of different people. This is more like getting an insight into this personality type. Because the people answering had a deep analysis of the personality and people.
What is a dead giveaway that a person is an INFJ?
I have only met one other INFJ in my life and contrary to what people think, we did not really connect. I believe we had met at the wrong place and wrong time and she was going through a horrible breakup while I too was reeling from the aftershock of being involved with a narcissist.
So my assessment on what key things really make an INFJ to be who they are is only based on myself. The thing people have to understand is INFJs are probably the most difficult to type accurately due to how well we unconsciously MIRROR our surroundings and people. I find myself doing it without even thinking about it and even have to catch myself to retain my individuality because sometimes I wonder who I really am.
Despite that, those who have gotten to know me on a more personal level especially who have knowledge and interest in MBTI have told me that I am “Without a doubt, extremely and undeniably an INFJ.”
My colleagues at work however who see my extroverted side would never ever guess this and it was laughable because my close colleague who I suspect is an ESFP was really shocked when I told her I am not extroverted in reality.
Here are some top things about myself as well as other INFJs could possibly relate to.
Chronic contradictory state
We love experiencing the finer things in life, yet despise superficiality and extreme materialism. We love reaping the rewards of our hard work surrounded by luxury yet unsatisfied with just wealth alone without cause, goal or reason. We idealise the fuck out of love probably more than any other type, but hate the idea of having to be latched onto someone at all times due to our introversion. We can love to give but feel uncomfortable receiving while feeling that we deserve it as well. We love being appreciated and desired, but hate mass attention. We have so much to say and think and dream of being heard by the world yet we cast ourselves into the shadows, simultaneously in fear of being seen. We love the light and hate all that is dark, yet the darkness is precisely what also defines us, and is a pathway to connect to ourselves and to the world. It is what also allows us to have what people see to be a form of clairvoyance and how we can sense when things are not always what they seem typically faster than other people.
An aura of melancholy and solitude
At our core, when you remove us from the external environment and see us at our raw, real state, we are true introverts. We gain power and recharge by being alone, even when we desperately want to be around others. Our energy is only replenished and our sense of peace is only reached when we are alone. Some have also reported that I am stoic, expressionless and exude an aura of independence, solitude and melancholy. It is true that infjs are often prone to depression and feeling insecure due to how much we internalise what we unconsciously absorb from our external world.
Intense, usually unmatched level of loyalty and devotion to our passions
Infjs are known to develop obsessions and I am no different. When I have set my mind on achieving a certain goal that I sincerely care about, I WILL make it happen no matter what anyone says. This has almost never failed for me however it is not common for this to happen as it is very difficult to impress and draw in an INFJ to get them to this level. When I get to this state I literally have become a hermit, obsessively working tirelessly until my goal becomes a reality even in the worst situations. I have had times where my life was literally at stake and I still didn’t want to give it up, the obsessions can get that intense. This is equally why when we have our eyes set on someone that we love, it will take the mental equivalent of all of our bones and our spine breaking apart to paralyse us before we give that person up. Literally ALL possible or impossible options would have had to be exhausted before we give that person up and this has been this way for me with any close relationships, friendship or not.
Questioning everything and over analysation
This may be why INFJs get depleted so easily but even when we are at a default, relaxed state our mind is never quiet. I can hardly ever think of a time where something wasn’t going on up there because my head feels like it is going to explode with millions of thoughts happening simultaneously all at once. Every little idea, scent, someone’s expression, the subtleties of someone’s voice, accent etc throws me off. Not including all the internal thoughts I also have going off on my head also at the same time.
All or nothing
This is so true. Either we give it our all 100% or we easily become lazy slobs. If we can’t give 100% of our all to it, whatever it is whether it’s a person or a goal, we quickly end up giving it up and wash away.
Are not all empathetic Saints, healers or angels
So I heard Hitler was actually an INFJ. I don’t know the validity of it but I suppose it could actually be true. INFJS can turn their empathy off like a faucet when it reaches a point where their idealism benefits something for what they deem to be the greater good. Nothing , not even if they see suffering will come between it in all cases. This is why I’ve had some people wonder if I was a sociopath because I too can turn my empathy off if it’s for the cause believe in. There have been times where someone I know who is bordering on the autistic scale who has one of the lowest empathy I’ve ever seen personally was shocked at the lack of my empathy for certain people and situations. Literally zero fucks are given from me in these situations because in my head, they deserve it. Once a situation calls for me believing it is justified or deserved, my empathy usually ends. It’s not always a conscious choice either
Impact of heartbreak
We feel and rise so deeply and equally also fall very hard. I don’t know anyone else personally who takes as long as I do when getting over heartbreak but INFJS unfortunately do not do well with heartbreak. I’d conclude that by far, it is the most difficult and torturous out of all the other types because we know that when we chose to give it our all to something, it was literally our all and the best we could do. It is so exasperating and profound, the devastation occurs most crucially due to how rare it is whenever we do find it, only to lose it forever. Infjs understand and know when we must doorslam people, it is in some ways outside of our control and it destroys us to do it because we know that once that door is shut, it is forever
Intellectual conversations and theories
We are gifted with words, words fuel the songs of our soul. Most are very gifted writers and are able to express and articulate themselves quite well. We may not be able to do so in person as much but give us the ability to write out our thoughts, you will get a completely different sense of who we are. Anyone who has read my writing will think I sound completely different in person because I know I do. I can’t help it as I find writing to be a much better way of expressing my thoughts that can’t be uttered through words.
Art and music
Infjs generally love what is deemed to be beautiful to them and the best way is through art, poetry and music. They are easily emotionally triggered when they see this which is why one of my favourite pasttimes is to browse museums, orchestras, and reading.
No eye contact
Maybe it’s me personally but I’ve heard from others notably remarking on the fact that one of the key signs for an INFJ, is their lack of eye contact. I don’t know about others but I find it extremely difficult to maintain eye contact with someone. My peripherals end up acting up and I have to look away or stare off in an aloof, awkward way. I’ve never maintained eye contact for more than a split second with anyone.
We crave deep connections
We feel alive and only feel like we have a certain purpose in life when we feel like we have deep connections. Infjs who do not have such things will feel unfulfilled and deeply lonely.
People do not understand INFJs
This isn’t just a stereotypical emo angst fit about how nobody understands us. No, I mean people really genuinely don’t understand us. Even INFJs won’t really understand other INFJs because they are extremely different. We aren’t like the typical ESFPs you can easily type. Usually they are the social butterflies you’d find at the gym, nightclubs or a girls/guys night out. I can almost always instantly tell when someone is of this type, not so much can you do with an INFJ.
The reason for that is due to mirroring as I mentioned, but also that due to the hypocritical, contradictory state we are in on a constant basis. What you will witness an INFJ doing and enjoying in one situation will not be in another. You may have genuinely caught them when it was just a moment in time for them, instead of it ever being a regular thing for them. You may see an extremely extroverted bubbly INFJ who does actually enjoy being that way in that moment, only to almost never see that same persona return after that time. Our level of introversion also will differ as well as how our environment and parenting shaped us.
What we idealise and our morality will be completely different from person to person. I’ve talked to an infj online before who said she strictly likes friends with benefits because her introversion is quite extreme she can’t fathom being attached to just one person. She wanted deep connections, but just not for sexual purposes.
In conclusion, INFJs are truly bizarre enigmas and anomalies even within our own kind. I still surprise myself sometimes at my ability to be this way without effort.
The most obvious way to spot an INFJ is to look for the walking contradiction: extraverted introvert, disorganized perfectionist, rational feeler.
Below are three other, more specific ways to tell if a person is an INFJ.
- They seem to be able to blend in with everyone, while always being weird and out there. As an INFJ, I absorb the emotions and feelings of the other people in the room, so I appear very similar to them in certain situations. However, people often tell me that something seems different or strange.
- They’re very wise, no matter their age. (And they won’t show it.) INFJs are often perceived as old souls. They are incredibly in tune to what others are thinking and feeling. Their empathic nature is evident when they give advice, but they may not show this without being asked or prompted.
- They love people and hate people at the same time. I love socializing with people and experiencing their different personalities. At the same time, I hate people because of how much of an effect they have on my emotions and wellbeing. I require time alone, but I also crave meaningful interpersonal interactions.
INFJs are often hard to spot. Many other types mistype an an INFJ simply because INFJs are the rarest type, and everyone thinks that they are special enough to be in the 2%. However, only 1–3% of people are actually INFJs, and the biggest hint to their INFJness is their appearance as a walking contradiction.
Asking lots of questions about you, listening closely, and telling you almost nothing about ourselves (which you most likely won’t notice till later). Super private. My friend recently sent me a short video of a boy opening a closed door only to find another closed door, which led to another closed door… It us, guys. When we do open up, we freak out right afterwards, feeling immense regret and fear and overanalyzing how we must have been received.
Getting along with everyone, chit-chatting and creating connections, but constantly hanging out with two or three of the same people, doing almost everything with them.
Concern with the underlying morality and/or ethics of situations. Evaluating what should happen between people to treat everyone fairly and create harmony. Giving advice on this sort of thing, when asked or when in the context of a trusted connection.
Analyzing people and their actions and motives, nonstop.
Being sensitive toward people’s needs and feelings, but also drawing a strict line on where sympathy ends and self-discipline begins. INFJs are warm but not sappy and put a very firm foot down when others are being selfish or self-indulgent.
Can’t resist an underdog. Example: I have a thing for left-handed people. Why? When I was growing up, there were so few of them, and they were sometimes teased by our peers. Scissors weren’t built for them (they needed special scissors or just to make do). Those L-shaped school desks, thankfully being phased out, were built for right-handed people, and some classrooms might have one or two for lefties, but watching lefties use righty desks killed me. My left-handed father was slapped on the hand in school and made to switch to right-handed writing. Lefties have been historically ostracized or accused of inferiority or witchcraft. You get the idea. I love me some left-handed individuals.
Being in our heads a lot. Most of the time, in fact. Which has nothing to do with any antipathy towards people and everything to do with our energizing imagination and analysis.
Sudden revelations on problems we’ve been considering for days, weeks, even months. It’s like a cake was baking from raw batter to finished cake in there [taps skull], and we smelled that it was done. Boom, cake.
This hardly covers it, and some of the above is also typically found in other types, but the combination of all of that points to INFJ.
When I first learned I was INFJ I was very excited because it gave me a greater vocabulary as to how to explain ‘feeling’ other people. I thought I could gain INFJ knowledge on what I felt was my out of control empathy so I could function more comfortably as a ‘logical’ person. Upon doing more research I quickly became disillusioned because I am not ‘quiet’ nor am I a obvious introvert. Most everyone would deem me an extrovert. Sure I don’t enjoy small talk but I feel compelled to do. I feel compelled to try to ease the awkwardness/discomfort around me. Often I do this with self deprecation. Laughter is a great method. This is something I feel compelled to do which has caused me tons of personal discomfort through the years. I can not tell you how many times I just wanted to just stop being ‘out there’. It was so draining.
There was so much non-INFJ debris cluttering the INFJ field it’s disheartening. I realized it was there because mistyped INFJ’s kept disseminating incorrect descriptions. If you use a large amount of Fe (I do) the descriptions often serve to confuse you. My fav was the one where INFJ’s were just too introverted and into their art to be around people. That’s not me! It’s taken a few years and the insistence of a few close others (who claim to understand the functions) saying despite all social appearances I am INFJ with the way I process the world.
INFJ most certainly have a substantial social component and a need for other ppl. As much as they need their time to recharge they need ppl. I think being with others is the *goal* for an INFJ not the solitude. How can we use my Ni and Fe interacting? I watched a YouTube series that claimed on some very real functional level INFJ’s are actually good at small talk (regardless of enjoying it), and have a certain smoothness to them. That the Fe along with J looks to create affect in the external world. That INFJ’s have a strong mental leaning that should be visual because of the preoccupation with extroverted feeling. The urge to enact in the social world. And on a obvious level with that those social interactions promote and create harmonious interactions. They seek to get things done. That the Ni WITH the Fe along with the J defines them in rather obvious ways. She also went as far to say that if you can not relate to being able to *easily* function with your Fe in very appropriate social ways you are prolly not an INFJ. Because with such a prominent Ni and Fe social skills and interactions are second nature. She went on to describe INFJ’s as ‘suave’.
**Please note that these things are frequently what you see but not only what you see.
ENFJ here. You can trust me with this one.
I had an INFJ girlfriend. It was freaking crazy and seriously intense. I’m going to discuss what we were like and what I analyzed about her in a little depth.
First of all, she analyzed everything to the brim. They have this telekinetic power to raise an event in hologram form, flip it around, make it do a 360 and check each and every side of it. From every angle, corner, and the color of it, they analyze it all and then that is when we get:
And the questions never stop. It starts out basic and you answer them. Then you start to realize a pattern where they ask the same questions but in a different style. Take this for example:
- Do you think it’s true?
- How true is it?
- It can’t be true, right?
- No, it’s false, right?
And they ask questions about you a lot too. You don’t get to know them much because they’re always asking questions about you. One question she asked me that I can’t forget is:
What’s the most laziest thing you’ve done?
I said that I downloaded a remote on my phone.
And then out of the blue, there is a sudden silence and then you’re presented with this sudden, scary yet intriguing:
I’m sure they’re absorbing data and emotions at this time. It’s not like we’re that different. I do the same thing sometimes. Chill out, do your thing, absorb what you must and then I will be ready for that:
ALL OR NOTHING SYNDROME.
This is where she would say that I’m with you or not. This is the grand finale. The decision. It’s all or nothing. The win or loss. It’s the NBA dunk of their history. The marking point. That paragraph full of love and honey. Now, she was with me, I noticed a few things really quickly and one of them was:
HATE PRANKING PEOPLE
There was this one instance where my friend and she tried to prank me. I got a little upset and she sensed that and immediately stopped the prank. She was all sorry and upset about it. She didn’t want to see me upset for one second which really set my heart on fire. God, I love her.
Deep questions excited her. And trust me, I’m a very deep talker but she would wait, think about it and respond back with some of the most mouth smacking things I’ve ever heard. She really opened up my mind and I saw a different world. She could talk so deep and that’s what won my heart because it’s what I crave too. And I understood it all because I’m not that different from an INFJ.
LOVES BEING UNDERSTOOD
The INFJ says some of the deepest things and not everyone can understand it. They speak somewhat symbolically. And some other types will find it hard to understand what they’re actually saying or trying to convey.
For example this might confuse you:
Sensitive people care when the world doesn’t because we understand waiting to be rescued and no one shows up. We have rescued ourselves, so many times that we have become self taught in the art of compassion for those forgotten.
Even though they can be confusing and have overwhelming emotions, they are very loyal. They have mood swings that can go on and off but you should be gentle with them and very kind too. The INFJ deserves respect and love because for most of them, they are one of the most beautiful people that this world holds.
I hope that helps you spot an INFJ.
Looking totally disorganised but, in fact, getting plenty done.
We can appear to be disorganised. Random.
We look all over the place.
I guess many types have this characteristic, but with INFJs this can be a complete misnomer. We are super organised, it’s just happening up there in our busy heads.
If we say we are going to do something, we generally get on with it.
I wrote a while back about The List.
This is a list of things that are next on my agenda, mostly kept in my head. (I do also have an A4 sized notebook where I write stuff down, including lists, maybe just to have the satisfaction of crossing things off.)
To others we seem to be doing a bit of this, a bit of that.
I’m actually writing something in the morning for my website, first thing on my list, then next I have an hour weeding in the garden, something others would think is a low priority but if you don’t spend an hour a day it will never get done. I abandon the garden abruptly and move onto some editing of my book, or writing something for Quora, or going for a “spontaneous” cup of coffee in town that’s actually a long planned catch up with a friend, etc.
All over the place, but I’m chipping away on various projects, a heap of them.
It’s only a month later that others see some major progress. Oh, you’ve finished the retaining wall, a few stories for Medium cracked out, and some drawings, etc.
The desk remains a mess, primarily because it is clearly ordered in my head.
There’s another distinguishing feature of The List: it is not a strictly priority style list. It’s almost a first come, first served thing. I do urgent things, of course, but also some low priority things that would otherwise never be done. People will see me cleaning out the gutters just after lunch, but if I don’t do it when the sun is shining and I have the ladder out it would never be done. It might seem random but I cross it off The List, metaphorically, and I can concentrate on more important things.
It’s very hard to change the order. We are totally the opposite of spontaneous.
The other related thing is that it might appear physically disorganised all around me, OK, but it’s all scrupulously ordered inside my head.
I know where everything is, I can find a random image I took 10 years ago in a minute, I have 250K of them, or an email or whatever. I know where things are, but no one else knows my filing system.
My superpower is being able to remember exactly when things happened, even decades in the past.
Yup, I have a system for everything.
Nothing random or disorganised with this bloke. Despite appearances to the contrary.